When Life Impacts You More Than You Realise

When Life Impacts You More Than You Realise

This one is about the build-up. The slow shift. Feeling unlike yourself and not fully understanding why.

Just before my 40th birthday, my brother was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. He passed away only two and a half weeks later.

The grief was overwhelming, and for a long time I believed that explained everything I was feeling.

I developed anxiety that felt crippling. It affected my confidence, my self-worth, and how I moved through everyday life. I was prescribed medication for anxiety, and although it helped at first, I still knew something didn’t feel right.

Over time, other symptoms started to creep in too. Brain fog. Hot flushes. Fatigue. Sleepless nights. Self-doubt. I began withdrawing from things I used to enjoy. I didn’t feel like myself at all, but I couldn’t fully explain why.

At first, I put it all down to grief. Then I started wondering if it might be peri-menopause. Looking back now, I can see how much life had been weighing on me.

It wasn’t just one thing. It was everything.

Grief. Hormonal changes. Family life. Pressure. The mental load. Trying to hold it all together while slowly feeling like I was losing myself.

I think that is what can happen to so many women. We keep going. We carry on. We tell ourselves we’re just tired, stressed, emotional, overwhelmed, or not coping very well. We put everyone and everything else first and try to push through.

That was me.

There was a point where I no longer felt interested in the things that had once helped me feel good. I didn’t want to go out. Meeting people felt draining. Even arranging plans filled me with dread. Sometimes I felt physically sick. Sometimes I would shake.

My head always felt busy. Full. Loud. I was forgetting things, zoning out, and felt vacant around other people. I didn’t feel present. I didn’t feel sharp. I didn’t feel like me.

And that is a hard thing to explain to anyone unless they have felt it too.

There were also habits I had to look at more honestly. Alcohol had become something I leaned on more than I wanted to admit. I would drink when I felt sad, low, overwhelmed, or wanted to relax. I would also drink when I was happy or felt I deserved a treat. At the time it felt normal, but really it was a coping mechanism. And one that was only making things worse.

The more I tried to understand what was happening, the more I realised how connected everything was. My sleep, stress levels, hormones, energy, emotions, confidence, and coping mechanisms were all tangled together.

It made me realise how easy it is for women to lose themselves quietly.

Not in one dramatic moment. But slowly.

Through stress. Through grief. Through burnout. Through feeling responsible for everyone and everything. Through life becoming so full that you stop checking in with yourself properly.

Sometimes life impacts you more than you realise.

And sometimes what you think is “just stress” or “just a difficult time” is your mind and body telling you that something needs your attention.

I didn’t have all the answers then, but I did know this: I couldn’t keep ignoring how I felt.

That was the beginning of me starting to listen to myself more honestly.

And that changed everything.