The Moment Things Started to Make Sense

The Moment Things Started to Make Sense

In May 2024, I had my light bulb moment.

It didn’t come with fireworks or some huge dramatic breakthrough. It came through a simple question in a counselling session, but it changed the way I understood myself completely.

By that point, I had already been struggling for a long time. I had been trying to make sense of anxiety, grief, hormonal symptoms, exhaustion, brain fog, and the feeling that I just wasn’t coping in the way I used to.

I knew I wasn’t myself, but I couldn’t fully understand why.

I found a counsellor, and during our second session she asked me how I had been feeling. I told her that my head felt so full and so busy that it often felt like it could explode.

She asked me, “Do you feel like there’s hyperactivity in your brain?”

And that stopped me in my tracks.

Because yes. That was exactly what it felt like.

That was the moment something clicked.

For the first time, I began to see that what I had been experiencing might not just be grief, anxiety, or peri-menopause. ADHD was part of the picture too.

It is hard to explain what that moment felt like. It was relief, sadness, anger, validation, and grief all at once.

Relief, because maybe I wasn’t failing.

Sadness, because I had been so hard on myself for so long.

Anger, because I had spent years blaming myself for things I didn’t understand.

And grief, because I started to see just how much I had struggled without the right words, support, or understanding.

That moment made so much of my life make sense.

My perfectionism. My people pleasing. The way I internalised everything. The way I masked. The way I spoke to myself. The way I kept pushing and pushing, even when I was overwhelmed. The way I expected so much from myself and still felt like I wasn’t enough.

I realised I had spent years trying to force myself into a version of coping that didn’t fit who I really was.

And that is exhausting.

Since that  moment, I have been learning to understand myself in a much deeper way. I have also had to learn to advocate for myself.

That has not always been easy.

It has meant asking more questions. Looking more closely at women’s health. Learning about ADHD in women. Listening to podcasts, audiobooks, and conversations that helped me feel less alone and more informed. Walking while listening has helped so much, because sitting still and taking everything in can be hard for me.

I sought an ADHD diagnosis in October 2024, and alongside that I started making changes to support myself better.

I shifted how I exercise. I no longer focus on cardio. I focus on getting stronger through strength training and going to the gym with more purpose. I increased my protein and water intake. I reduced caffeine. I significantly cut back on alcohol.

The difference has been huge.

I sleep better. I feel stronger. I have more motivation. I can see positive changes in my body and skin, but more importantly I feel more connected to myself again.

I have also started practising mindfulness. Only five minutes in the evening, but it helps. Small steps really do matter. The Healthy Minds app has been brilliant for me because it makes mindfulness feel simple and manageable rather than overwhelming.

This journey hasn’t fixed everything overnight. I am still learning. Still unpicking things. Still trying to understand myself with more compassion.

But I do feel like I am beginning to KNOW who I really am.

Not the version of me shaped by pressure, perfectionism, grief, masking, and self-criticism.

The real me underneath it all.

And I think that is why this matters so much to me.

I want other women to know that they are not weak, dramatic, lazy, failing, or broken. Sometimes life has impacted them more deeply than they realise. Sometimes hormones, grief, neurodiversity, mental health, and everyday pressure all overlap in ways that are hard to untangle on your own.

Sometimes you just know something isn’t right, even if you can’t explain it yet.

That matters.

So if you are feeling overwhelmed, flat, anxious, disconnected, or unlike yourself, please listen to that feeling. Keep asking questions. Keep advocating for yourself. Keep looking for answers.

You know your body. You know your mind. You know when something feels off.

Your story matters. Your health matters. You matter.